"Kalau disuruh pilih pentingan mana antara “janji” atau “perasaan”
mana yang bakal lu pilih, Nis?"
Dia sempat menanyakan hal itu ke gue setelah 1 minggu kita
berhenti chatting.
Hmmm, sepertinya gue tau apa makna tersirat dibalik pertanyaannya
itu. Tapi gue pengen denger secara langsung dari mulutnya.
Kalau nurutin maunya ego ini, pasti gue akan pilih “perasaan”.
Tapi untung ego gue masih bisa dikendalikan, dan akhirnya yang gue sampaikan ke dia adalah gue pilih “janji”
“Alasannya?” tanya dia.
Jawab gue “karena kalau lu pilih janji setidaknya orang akan
lihat lu punya integritas, lu bisa penuhi janji lu, lu konsisten.” *padahal
sebenernya yang mau gue sampein adalah, kerena kalau lu pilih janji setidaknya
gak bakal ada hati lain yang terluka*
Sambung gue, “jangan kaya gue yang pentingin perasaan, demi
orang seneng gue rela gak enak. Demi orang lain bisa tetep ngerasa fine, gue
rela engga fine. Gak enak tau kaya gitu. Hahaha”
Dia membalas “rasanya gue pengen pergi yang jauuuuhhh, sejauh mungkin meninggalkan semua yang gue punya. Lu pernah gak ngerasain kaya gitu?"
Terus terang gue bingung dengan pernyataan dia itu. Tapi gue gak mau
tanya kenapa, tapi yang gue lakukan adalah menjawabnya..
“Emm.. gue gak tau ya.. tapi dari dulu gue tuh punya keinginan
tinggal dan kerja di luar kota, tiap bulan gue tinggal transfer ke nyokap gue.
Tapi entah kapan bakal terealisasi” sahut gue.
Terus dia balas “iya broh, rasa dimana lu mau tinggalin
semuanya itu adalah ketika lu kebelet pup saat presentasi. Wkakakakakakak”
“Sue” 😑😑😑😑😑 sembari ngomong dalem hati..
Ya itulah dia! Dia emang suka becanda orangnya. Demen
nge-jokes.
Tapi abis itu dia nanya gue “udah makan belom?” temenin gue
makan yuk”
Gue gak mau main api lagi.
Entah bagaimana gue lupa, intinya
gue gak pergi.
Mungkin banyak orang diluar sana yang pacaran-putus-kenalan
lagi-pacaran lagi, bebas terserah mereka. Tapi kenapa beda dengan gue ya?
Layaknya orang yang saling sayang, tapi gak bisa bersatu soalnya keadaan yang engga mengizinkan.
Semacem tulisan di Desember 2016 dan baru tersalurkan hari ini
Eh gue keinget satu lirik lagu berikut ini.. bagus deh. Judulnya "Trust His Heart"
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see Him,
Remember you're never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
All our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like Him
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see Him,
Remember you're never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
All our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like Him
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
